Saturday, November 11, 2006

Double Take

A few years ago, I started to notice a general pattern in my life. Whenever it came to big decisions, big life steps, other other important changes, I usually did them twice. The first time, I'm not quite ready for whatever it is, but I either am forced to do it or force myself to do it. After that first attempt (often aborted or failed), I usually wait a while, a month or a year, then I find myself truly ready for taking that step and I successfully take it. Sound weird? Wait till you see how often it's happened:

High school-chose to go to private Catholic school, not totally my cup of tea, but the lesser of two evils. Didn't do as well as I should have. We moved before my junior year, I got to start over and excelled. Not a "choice," but I did do better on my second chance.

Driver's License-I was putting it off anyway, getting my permit at 16 (at least a year late). I kept putting off the test itself, until my dad surprised me after school to take me down to take the test. I failed miserably (though a street was a one-way, when it definitely wasn't). A few months and a lot of practice later, nerves recovered, I took the test again and did very well.

Haircut-sounds minor, but it wasn't. I had had long hair (waist length or longer) since early elementary school, and I felt like I needed a change. Sophomore year of college, I got it chopped just below the shoulders and HATED it. I cried and cried and cried. A few years later, I decided to try again and I was really *ready*. I cut it shorter and loved it. Last year, I cut it even shorter (above the shoulders) and loved it even more.

MA program-I'm planning on doing two because I didn't really know what I wanted with the first one, but now I'm pretty sure I do, so I'm applying for a second one when I finish this one. Luckily they are related!

Proposal-OK, so I didn't have to choose to do this, but I did have to say yes! A year before Peter really proposed, he got inspired and started to do it (no ring, no planning, spur of the moment). I freaked a little bit, wasn't sure if I was ready (even though I had thought I was up to that point), and delayed until other people came and the moment was gone. A year later, I was *really* ready and he proposed and I really said yes!

For a little while, I was freaked out that my marriage was going to be a failure because I would have to have a "practice" marriage like I've had to have a "practice" everything (see above). I then realized I was being a total dork because I've had other long-term relationships, and therefore those were really my practice ones, so this one is fine. Also, if I need to quell my superstitious side, I just look at the double proposal and consider that the double take.

Yes, I am crazy. And I probably have weird commitment issues (weird because I don't have them in relationships).

No comments: