Thursday, April 15, 2010

Visiting Alicia

I got back last night from a week in San Francisco visiting Alicia. Well, "visiting" isn't exactly the right word to describe what it was I was doing there. Frankly, I don't know if there IS a word to describe it.

I want to write in more detail about different aspects of my experience later, but for the time being, I will try to describe it in one of my favorite forms: listing*.

My week in San Francisco was:
Helpful (to some degree, I hope)

Things I did while there:
Acted confused and bewildered for the first two days
Started to get my shit together on day three
Fell into the "visitor organizer" role, somehow
Took over part of the on-site coordination when the high school crew left
Transitioned the RA crew in
Kept busy so I didn't have time to think
Just *was*
Tried to stay awake for an all-nighter, at the end, but definitely fell asleep
Forgot to eat real food until noon, most days
Dropped a dress size (see above)

Emotions I felt:
Really fucking angry
Protective of Alicia
Protective of Alicia's friends
Body-wracking grief
Friendship (see: rekindled, old)
Friendship (see: new, born of shared adversity)
Many moments of consciously noting the importance, symbolism, or otherwise consciously observing the situation**

Hopefully I can commit more of my thoughts on this incredible, awful experience to writing soon and share them with you. It might take me a little while, and no promises I will publish everything I write. However, if Alicia was brave enough to share her story, I think I can share mine.

*Alicia knew this about me and sent me one of the most awesome books ever, that was written in list form. I need to go find that book now...

**Doesn't fit with the rest of the list, but there isn't a word for that idea***

***I have put more thought into the writing, style, and most importantly, punctuation of this post than any other in this shoddy blog, because I know Alicia would kill me if I made a typo or error, being the great copy editor she is.****

****There are definitely going to be typos. It's unavoidable. Sorry, Alicia. And the style of these footnotes is dreadful. Woe.

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